Story Of A Boy Rewrite
by kittyfiction2008
Summary: "My name is Harold James Potter..." "Sirius is NOT dead!" He wasn't really sure if it qualified as rape... "please..." SELF HARM, RAPE, and language.
1. Prolouge

Authors Notes: This is the STORY OF A BOY rewrite. Please bare with me it's going to be different I know however this way I will not be writing into a trap the way I was in the original.

Prologue: It's going to be a long summer

"Harry potter, the boy who lived, chosen one to save us all was last reported being seen leaving Kingscross station on the last day of school from Hogwarts school of witch craft and wizardry he was seen leaving with an overly large wale like man with a quill thick mustache this reporter wonders if by chance could the boy who lived really be living with muggles this whole time? Please continue reading on page four."

Sad green eyes closed as they scanned the news print. A word scared hand rubbed his for head. He let the paper drop from his hand to the floor next to his bed. His room was the smallest in Number 4, Privet Drive, Little Whinging. However he never complained about the size because his first 'bedroom' was much smaller than this. It was hot out, his window opened barley a crack let a small bit of summer breeze in to the room, however the only purpose it served was blowing more hot air around.

He was slick with sweat as he lay shirtless on his bed. Every rib could almost be seen vividly enough to count. His overly friendly black hair plastered over his forehead; were a most particular scar lie. Some spot had healing bruises others scars and scrapes. His skin an unnatural pale-ness that seemed to run in the family for his aunt had it to. A deep dark bruise highlighted one of the sad green eyes almost appearing to be ink. He absent mindedly wiped away a bit of sweat from his face not enjoying the tickling feeling. Dry cracked lips parted as he spoke,

"My name is Harold James Potter and I am turned on by pain…" Confusion and disgust filled his words, he continued his thoughts out loud just to hear something other than the silence of his room and the mundane noises from outside, "Not from inflicting pain on others or seeing others in pain… but being in pain myself…"

Harry sat up on his elbows in bed causing his joints to let out a pop. He moved his neck from side to side feeling that pop as well, it was a nice feeling. It was week three of the twelve week holiday from his boarding school. He was mostly done with the particulars of puberty. He had gone a bit taller sense this time last year and his voice had gone down an octave as well as the fact that he had stated to grow body hair. Even his um… area… was quite active as one would suspect of a fifteen almost sixteen year old boy. He would more than likely keep growing till he was seventeen at least that was his hope as for right now he was only five foot seven. He got up and started to pace the little space in his room; his back flashing angry red welts and bruises; he found that this helped him think. It wasn't till about two weeks ago that this… pain fetish or whatever one would call it started to show.

~~~~FASHBACK TO TWO WEEKS AGO~~~~~

He was washing dishes after the nightly meal of the Dursley's his Uncle Vernon and Dudley his cousin where in the living room watching TV whilst his Aunt Patunia was out at a knitting club. He wasn't really paying attention as he watched the dishes by hand and put them away. He must have gotten the floor much wetter than normal for when he when to turn and put away the last dish he feel shattering the dish and sending him to all fours.

His Uncles over weighted body causing tremors though out the whole house as he stormed into the kitchen from the sound of the shattering porcelain. His face was an angry purple as he immediately walked over to Harry and kicked him into the shattered remains of a plate. Harry grunted as he landed feeling the small cuts appearing on his arm and side. His heavy Uncle knew how to use his weight well as he beat Harry before standing back ordering him to clean it up. Vernon stayed in the room to make sure he did it right. Things changed however when he got up to retrieve the room. His Uncle pointed at him and laughed calling him a freak. Apparently his uncle noticed the tent in his over sized shorts before he did. Harry when beet red before he looked over to his Uncle. His relative by marriage had a strange looking on his face it was one of disgust and one of contemplation with one last order to clean up and go to his room his uncle left and uneasy harry behind.

~~~~~~~~~~END FLASH BACK~~~~~~~

The beatings after that seemed to get harsher until three nights ago when his aunt was at her book club and Dudley at his friends doing whatever his uncle came in to his room. Was it rape? Was it just molestation? He wasn't sure what it would qualify as. His uncle made him suck him off as a rabbit vibrator was in his 'area' stimulating his other 'area'. This of course was after he had whipped Harry senseless. He couldn't help but think it would qualify as anything but sex considering that he enjoyed it just as much as his uncle did. In the end he was begging for his uncle to hurt him again.

When he woke up he was bolted into his room and he hadn't had any human contact sense. This wasn't good, not having any chores to do or to be able to go outside. He was just suck in his room alone… Alone with his thoughts that was never a good thing, he kept thinking on how he was going to tell his best mates about what was going down. He wasn't sure but it seemed like a good idea to tell someone before he ended up with someone who would hurt him just to hurt him. Hell he needed Hermionie to tell him what the fuck was wrong with him. Knowing her he would already know what it was or if she didn't she would find out in like three hours after finding out. Now Ron; he was different a wild card that one was. He just saw him patting his shoulder before saying "Whatever floats your boat mate."

Harry paused mid step, he just did Ron's voice outside of his head. Oh man that was weird, although he couldn't help but like the fact that it was said out loud it made it seem less lonely. His mind changed directions. What would Sirius think about this? He stared into space out the window, if his god father was here; if he was alive what would he say? A vision filled his head of his god father in sexy women underwear. Sirius was looking over at harry over his shoulder. Harry in his best throaty sexy Sirius voice he could muster said out loud once again, "spank me."

Harry clutched his sides as an overwhelming power to laugh over to him. It was so strong that tears were streaming down his cheeks. "oh man that is so wrong." He laughed harder and more clearly as it replayed in his head over and over again. As he finally let out one last sigh after catching his breath he stated the understatement of the year, "It's going to be a long summer."

~~~~~~~~~~~End Prologue~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Authors notes: Please review and tell me what you think.


	2. Chapter 1: Hogwarts Express

Disclaimer because I forgot to do it in the last chapter: I don't not own anything but some cats and hello kitty things…

WARNINGS (because again I forgot to do this last chapter): NON-CON (ya know rape), Self mutilation (like cutting and such), Strong sexual themes, SLASH (you know man sex and I don't mean Xamnas), Pairng throughout some that you may find disturbing, THREESOME, (HP/HG/RW) Main paring goal (DM/HP)… These warnings are subjected to change so please keep up :)

Authors notes: So here it is people the first true chapter of the rewrite, don't always expect fast updates… I can only think so fast.

This chapter is for: **HorseKrazy** and **cyiusblack** The only two who reviewed.

CHAPTER ONE: HOGWARTS EXPRESS

"Was it weird to feel so cold in the middle of summer?" An overly thin boy asked himself as he pulled his jumper closer as he pushed his bas cart that contained his trunk. "Well then again is it really was not summer any more I mean it is September first. " His overly friendly black hair moved about on his head as he weaved in between families and dodged out of the way of kissing couples. He was in kings cross working on a way to get to the plat form he needed to get back to school. It was strange; this morning was the first time he had human contact in what was it nine weeks? Six weeks he didn't even remember. He was just glad that he could trust his Aunt Molly to get his school supplies and send them off with Ron.

He finally found the right pillar after running into one blindly before that was not the right pillar. He was just curious as to whether or not it matter what pillar you went into between platforms nine and ten on the muggle side. Guess what he found out that yes; yes it did matter. It had to be the third one in of four from north to south. So if you came in from the south entrance it would be the second one in. He grinned madly as he made is way through the throngs of people and walked right through away he didn't care if any one saw. Hell this summer taught him how to ignore people a hell of a lot better.

He looked around wide eyed at the throng of people who were chilling on the 9 ¾ platform. It had been so long sense he had seen anything so magical that he couldn't help but feel giddy. He smashed down that giddiness as he pushed his trolley to the famous scarlet train engine. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He kind of wanted to hug it however not really wanting to draw much attention to himself he just stroked it lovingly as he entered the train. He looked around and found an empty compartment two deep from the engine room. He didn't know if Ron or Hermionie were on the train yet however he knew that his friends would find him.

He placed his trunk up on the rack above him before scooting over to the window. He gazed out in to the sea of people. It was an amazing display of humanity. Parents showing how proud they were of their children, boyfriends and girlfriends reuniting after a summer away, as well as anger and hate toward anything different. He wondered how people would react if they knew about his fetish? He had found out while alone in his room that cutting himself while he touched that area was almost as good as someone else hurting him. He also found that he liked his hair to be pulled and he was almost pleased that he hadn't seen his Aunt Petunia all summer because he liked that his longer hair was oh so much grab-able. His fetish list also got a little bit longer. Blood was now the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, it was so sensual and warm however it could be cold and passionate at the same time. Harry smiled dazed.

He leaned his head down on the window he may be cold but the cold window felt rather nice. He yawned and looked at the large clock posted over the entrance. The train didn't leave for another half an hour. He felt his already heavy eyes droop close. He could fall asleep it was find Ron and Hermy would wake him up when they got here. Yawning again he let the sweet dreams of sleep capture him.

Harry was awakened by heavy breathing and slurping? Sucking noises? He wasn't really sure so to figure out this mystery he opened his eyes. The sight that greeted him to the waking world disgusted him and aroused him all the same. He was becoming used to the sensation of those two feelings together. His best male mate was currently pinned by his best female mate in his lap and to put it lightly they were sucking each other's faces off. To say that waking Harry up seemed to be the last thing on their minds, hey he couldn't help it he was a sixteen year old boy. Just because pain turned him on didn't mean that live action near sex didn't. It felt weird... However it felt so right to be aroused by his two best fries. He could feel his breath becoming short and his eyes glassing over. Hermionie was now working on removing Ron's over shirt. She seemed to be in a desperate rush. Harry believed that it was high time to let the two love birds know that he was in fact awake.

Harry closed his eyes then covering them with one hand he took a small breath, "hey Guys!" That had the noise pausing meaning that the two were more than likely slowly coming out of their lustful daze confused. "Not that the show isn't hot sexy and wonderful please don't test my restraint." Now her heard the sound of flesh hitting flesh along with Ron swearing. Hermy must of hit him for some thing or another, after he heard the rustling of clothing stop. "Can I open my eyes now?"

"Um… yeah…" Came hermy's timidly shy reply. Sighing Harry removed his hand and opened his eyes. He was greeted once again by the site of his two best friends. This time they weren't on top of each other however they were both rather flushed. He could see the red mark on Ron left arm from Hermionie's slap. He guessed the older boy was too lazy to pull on his over shirt again.

"How didja sleep mate?" Ron asked trying to get over the fact that Harry had just woke up to him and Hermionie in a very sensual position. He didn't mind he just wished that Harry' didn't make it feel so embarrassing. Harry shrugged a little, "Fine I guess but waking up was the best part." Harry let a sly smile spread over his face. He adjusted a little in the seat, "You guys just left me with a bit of a problem." He stood up and dug into his trunk appearing with a box of tissues. "I am going to take care of my little problem just please try to be done by the time I am back this time."

Harry left the compartment and entered the empty corridor to the rest room he will go. He paused for a moment looking out the speeding scenery. He had to stop after a moment blinking as it had made him feel a little ill. He was glad as he entered the bathroom that he hadn't met any one on the way to said restroom. Especially considering how he was carrying a box of tissues, "yeah like no one else will know what you're doing." He said to himself.

He wasn't sure if anyone else was in here. He hoped to god not, he didn't want to do _that _while other people were lessoning. Besides right now its masturbation was like his dirty little secret that everyone did however it didn't help that he liked to think that he had a rather unique way of going about it. He peaked under all three stalls before pushing them all in, he then reached around like a blind man looking for any sort of invisibility like thing. Why someone would be invisible in restroom on a train was a puzzle to him but hey one couldn't be too safe. "Oh god… I am turning into Mad eye…" he said with a frustrated sigh and entered the middle stall.

~~~MASTURBATION SECEN DON'T LIKES SKIP~~~~

He turned and closed the stall locking it. He then reached for his pocket and stopped, "damn," he had left his wand in the compartment. There was no way that he would go back to get it now. "Fuck." He would just have to hope that no one walked in whilst he was giving himself some love. He dropped is dirty pants and then semi-clean underwear. He sat on the toilet before lifting to the middle of the stack of tissues. Lying there almost innocently in the pillow of white softness was a razor. It was a little dull and bloodstained however to Harry it was one of the most essential piece of masturbation along with extra soft tissues.

He took up the tool to his pleasure before examining his last bit of work from the other night they were healing nicely. Horizontally up and down his inner thighs close to his area were cuts, some deeper than others and some in the mist of healing for the three that he had made the other night they were just now starting to really scab over. Taking his razor he pressed it firmly agents his flesh before moving the razor up vertically through the entirety horizontal cuts on his left thigh. Oh man the pleasure he felt almost made him drop the blade.

He grasped his now rather alive flesh wand in one hand before he began waxing it. He took his razor in hand again and pressed rather hard before moving vertically once again right next to the cut that he had just made. It was a little deep, it began bleeding almost instantly the blood feel to the tiled floor with a spatter. He gave himself a few more strokes, one more vertical cut not as deep as the previous two made him drop his razor to the floor forgotten as he rubbed some of the crimson life liquid on his throbbing erection. He moaned rather loudly as he shot his load. Feeling dazed from all the pleasure and energy he had just exerted he just leaned ageist the wall of the stall staring in to space.

~~~~END~~~~

His eyes moved to his razor blade before to the cut on his inner thigh before they went back to the razor. He must have jumped about ten feet in the air had a pale hand had picked up the razor. Harry made a dive for the razor however he missed and ended up crashing the stall door open. He rolled over on to his back to see mercury gray staring at him from curtain of white blond, hair. Harry didn't really register whom it was all he had eyes for was the razor. He seemed to find his voice as he weakly reached for the razor. "Please… give it back." The blond took a step back, and Harry made for another weak reach, "please…"

Draco L. Malfoy took a step back from a disturbed crazed Harry Potter before his voiced decided that now was a good a time as any to appear, "Hold on Potter I am going to get help you stay here." With that the pure blood left the razor still clutched in his hand. Harry just watched him go before his rivals words sunk in, "SHIT!" He got up and began to clean himself off throwing the tissues in the toilet flushing them down. He all but ran back to the Compartment not caring that he knocked down two people on the way.

He burst into the room disturbing a half naked Ron and Hermionie, Harry was momentarily distracted by her naked breasts. They looked soft and squishy he just wanted to touch one, no now it not the time for those thought. He shook his head, "Come on guys it's time to get dressed the train should be there soon." Hermy gave him a strange look however she got up and got dr3essed in her uniform, she had just finished getting her shirt on and was about to work on the pants when the door once again burst open.

However this time it wasn't from her erratic friend but from the blond fabulous jerk face Draco Malfoy. Harry walked over with Ron to the panting blond to seem to take a moment to compose himself it was only Harry who noticed his out of breathe state. Ron glared at him, "What the fuck do you want ferret?"

"Ten points from Gryffindor Mr. Weasley." A dark voice said from the shadows and out stepped the shadow himself Severus Snape. Draco glanced over at him before smirking. He held out his right hand revealing Harry's razor. Harry without thinking quickly snatched it up trying not to look at his friends. "I just came to return this to Potter." Malfoy said casually before leaving with Professor Snape.

He looked over at his friend sand swallow hard, "It's not what you think I promise. No questions now I will explain when we get back to Hogwarts after the feast." He was relieved when they didn't say anything and just finished dressing in silence. It was nice but scary all the same. As the train stopped and he got off onto the carriage he couldn't help but think as the fresh magic filled air hit his senses that it was good to be


	3. Chapter 2: Feasts of Expectations

Ok a few things before we get started, I have no clue if I mentioned this, it ignores pretty much all of HBP and flat out denies DH so live, and I am very much aware the most of the Characters are not in Character, well sucks it's an AU, have fun! Most chapters will be around this length I know its not long, however that last chapter was freakishly long so yeah.

Warnings for this chapter: Insanity, with a little bit of sexual tension, and Sexual situation

Chapter Two: A feast of Expectations

By the time Harry had sat down at the sorting feast the rumor mill of Hogwarts was that he had apparently succeeded in getting the earliest and fastest detention of all year. For heaven's sake they weren't even at school yet for that to happen. Harry didn't even think that was possible. Another one was that he was still healing from the events at the Ministry of Magic; now that was another one that confused him. It confused him in one of the ways that everyone seemed to know everything that happened that night; that is of course if the profit could be trusted. Then there was the fact that everyone miraculously believed that Voldemort was alive and well and that Cedric did not commit suicide like they were implying. Harry sighed in frustration as he gripped his hair in his hand. To tell the truth he didn't remember the three or so hours that everyone was lose unsupervised in the ministry.

The last thing that Harry remembered was climbing on the dark Pegasus known as, thestrals; after helping everyone who couldn't see up on their backs. Then he was in Dumbledore's office and it was trashed and he felt angry. He didn't know why he just felt this painful anger inside him. It was different then when Voldemort was in his mind. Maybe something happened that had messed up his memory so much. Maybe that was why he was such a masochist, he had to write his god father about this. While the Sorting hat sang a song about the end of the world or some other bull like that harry was scribbling away with a piece of parchment and a pen that he had in his bag. He had to ask Sirius what happened, he needed to know. He ignored all the warning looks he was getting from half the people around him. The note took forever for him to write because he kept losing his train of thought, the train kept getting derailed he supposed. Just as that thought crossed his mind he mumbled to himself; "that would suck if that happened to the express." The jeweled eyed boy sealed the letter upon completion he smiled before scooping up some potatoes, and a small roll. He ignored the worried looks that he kept getting From Hermy and Ron and ate he promised that he would explain everything to night and that was just was he was going to do.

….::::::::Story of a boy time jump!:::::::::…..

It was around ten pm by the time it was polite enough to leave the feast without seeming too rude so Harry made his way up the owlery, he did after all have a letter to send. Smiling as he came to the top and his rather large snowy white owl flew to him. "Hello Hedwig, you know I have been thinking that I should start carrying you around on my shoulder so I would look less crazy when I talk to myself." He mused for a moment then laugh when harry gave him a look that said, 'I 'ant no parrot.' And that made him laugh. Harry had a long laugh from that seemingly unimportant moment it seemed as if he was suffering from the giggles. You know that thing when you just can't stop laughing till you have stopped. It seemed to go on for so long that Harry couldn't breathe but he didn't care for he finally caught his breath he had to stop himself from going into another fit as the strange looks that he was getting from all the owls now. You know it's bad when the owls are giving you strange looks.

Harry finally finished his business in the owlery he was on his way to the Gryffindor common room. "I forgot to ask for the password….. Damn it…" Harry sighed frustrated. He noticed that he had been frustrated a lot as of late. He just shrugged it off like it was nothing. Not really realizing that it was something of importance. Harry had managed to charm his way in to the common room by being patient with the Fat Lady portrait and that took a long fifteen or so minutes. The bi-spectacle boy was relieved to have finally made it into the common room. He was tired and just wanted to sleep.

He glanced around the room that was his 'living room' nine months out of a year and he called it home. It seemed that most everyone had gone to bed, well everyone but the couple snogging in the corner and well his best friends playing muggle chess over by the window. Ron seemed bored out of his mind however he was putting up with the boredom for Hermione, because the book smart witch found the wizard equivalent of the game 'barbaric.' On Hermy's lap was the over large half Kneazle was on her lap. The feline noticed him first but promptly ignored him.

It was Hermione who noticed Harry's body mass first. "Harry!" She exclaimed getting up and knocking down Crookshanks from her lap the cat was not happy and took a half hearted swipe at Harry before walking away. "Were have you been?" She asked a tone of worried-ness entering her voice. Ah he was quite familiar with this sound. Harry had noticed it in almost every single thing that she asked him last year. Harry shrugged, "I was in the owlery sending some post to Snuffles." He gave off a tired smile before turning away going up the stairs; completely missing the look shared between her and Ron. Ron's was that of confusion and Hermione's that of worry. Harry came back down with his father's cloak in his hand. "Let's get this over with in the room of requirement."

They all left the common room quickly throwing on the cloak over the three of them. It was quite crowded with three people though harry was relieved to see the cloak stretched to fit down to the floor. They now just had to walk really carefully to the room of requirement. As they proceeded with Hermione using the map to avoid any unwanted attention. Harry knew that he would not get any sleep that night. The Trio was suspicious when they saw the door to the room had just appeared when they aproched no thinking needed. The opened the door with caution.

Slowly they walked into the conferrable room. There was a large lavish fire place with a overly large couch directly parallel to it, on either side a sat overly stuffed chairs. There must have been a coffee table or something in the middle because the trio could smell strawberries. They relaxed thinking nothing of it as they removed the cloak. Harry took a deep breath not ready to talk, and as if his thoughts were heard a moan cut though the quiet room.

The three teens froze in place looking over to the sorce of the moan the couch. A moment later another panting moan could be heard as a white blond covered head moved over the top. Eyes closed in ecstasy. There was a moment of frozen time when the only one moving was the moaning figure on the couch, he was moaning and rocking up and down. Then all at once they all ran. None of them knew where they were going only that it was away from there.

"Oh My Cheese!" Hermione exclaimed looking flushed. Harry couldn't decide if the flushness was from the running or the situation that they were just end. Harry could easily right off his flush due to exercise though it would be futile, _he_ knew better. The flush was from the pleasure running down his spine and the embarrassment he felt. Harry chanced a glance at Ron, and paused. The tall boy was at the moment writing on the floor as if under the Cruciatus curse; his hands fisting his eyes, "That was the most grossest most disturbing thing ever!" He yelled before getting off the floor still scrubbing his eyes. "I need to be obliviated!"

"And What Mr. Weasley could be more disturbing than watching your table manners?" A dark voice drawled. Well shit they all knew that voice. There behind Ron stuff an overly thin man with yellowed teeth and unhealthy pale skin. His lanky hair framing his faces some in his eyes, a large nose sticking out. "Now if you know what is good for you Misters Potter, Weasley, and Ms. Granger you will do well to fallow me now."

There was a solid threat that promised pain in the man's voice that sent sensual tingles down his spine that made Harry rather disturbed at the moment. He fallowed none the less as to be safe from punishment no matter how much Harry secretly wanted it. The potions master led them to a painting of a Lioness and cubs. Harry was confused as he wasn't sure who could be behind this panting and what the point of bringing them here was. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Hermione pale, yes he was kind of worried now.

"Go tell your Mistress that we are here." Professor Snape said cutting though, the silence, "I will not take points from you three as there is none to take at the moment… I will however say that what you three did all but screamed, KILL ME LOOK AT ME I WANNA BE DEAD!" The portrait opened to a really irritated looking Minerva McGonagall Severus mused that it must be a Gryffindor trait to hate early mornings, "As I was just informing your students before I left them at your mercy. They are to report to detention on Tuesday, Ms. Granger with you, Mr. Weasley with Mr. Filtch, and Mr. Potter, with myself." With one last cruel smirk he left robes billowing away.

As Harry had finally gotten to bed for some much needed sleep he let his thoughts wonder, one of them straying to his invisibility cloak and were it could possibly be, and that thought took him to a flush panting Malfoy and he felt himself get hard, he didn't touch though he had to be careful this was a school after all.

AN: Well that's the end of this chapter, sorry that its taking me so long to crank them out. I still not really have a betta, so the unbeta-ed chapter is what you get, I realize that I may have spelled a lot of things wrong so please forgive me for that. Sorry for such a short chapter. And you know you wanna click the button!


	4. Chapter 3: Thinking

All rights belong to who they belong to (J.K. Rowling and all them good stuffs) not me please and thank you! Everyone is OOC please don't point it out. And I am still beta-less sorry for any dumb mistakes that is all mine.

Thank you for reading: Kittyfiction2008

CHAPTER THREE: THINKING

At this point it had been around a week sense he promised to explain everything to Ron and Hermione. He knew that he really should but as of late he was more and unsure of himself. He didn't know how to feel about the way he had reacted to the scene with the room of Requirement and Malfoy. However he was kind of pissed at himself he had lost the invisibility cloak. He didn't really want to tell his best female friend that he lost it because he would get a scolding and he would never hear the end of it from Ron, so he was left alone in his search. He had tried a nice Accio and even a few point me spells but nothing seemed to work.

Harry was currently lost in his thoughts as he weaved his way to charms. Damn crowed hallways, he didn't know what to do; he kind of wished that he could fly above them. Merlin knows that the ceilings were high enough. Just as he was passing a door someone opened it and wouldn't you know his luck he ran straight into it. Cursing rather colorfully in his head he leaned down and began picking up his now scattered books and parchment. Why did he just have to forget his bag at the Dursley's? He felt like going to the nearest wall and letting his head get acquainted with it. When he went to reach of his quill a white hand grabbed it at the same time that he had. Looking up he was confused when he meet the eyes of Draco Malfoy. _'Well yay can this hour get any better.' _He thought to himself. Once again the boy who lived was confused; he could have sworn for a moment there that the gray blue eyes had shown worry. Malfoy scoffed and pushed by Harry in the opposite direction of the Charms class room. He frowned in thought trying to figure out where the pureblood could be going he knew that they had Charms class together.

To tell the truth Harry wasn't paying any attention in class it almost seemed like he never did any more. He wondered if he was the only one. Who seemed to think that learning anything right now was pointless? _'I mean who wants to learn about outside stuff if you are still confused about the inside things right?'_ He sighed and spaced off in the general direction of Professor Flicwick. He only moved his eyes when the tall red head next to him started to twitch. He looked over at Ron; he could visibly see the boy trying to avoid clawing his eyes out that could only mean one thing. He glanced over at the door and sure enough there was Malfoy. Ron hadn't been the same sense that night and neither had harry for that matter. This had him checking and wondering his sexuality. He perked up his ears to hear what the tiny Professor was saying to the blond Slytherin, "Mr. Malfoy why are you late?" The teen just handed over a note and went off to his seat. From this distance Harry couldn't really see anything much just a signature and he knew that one any were Madam Pomfrey. What the seven levels could be going on?

**~*S.B.*~**

As Harry sat at lunch he could see that his friends were starting to get worried again and they really wanted the explanation, and to tell the truth Harry really didn't know what to say. He had writing to Snuffles asking him of advice but he still hadn't writing back yet. He wasn't worried he knew that sometimes it took a while for the letters to get to his god father.

At this point he was guessing that he just had to tell them the truth in all its confusions that it was bringing to his head. Maybe they could help he didn't know how they would help but he hoped that maybe Hermione would maybe say that this pain liking thing was some sort of disease and he could get rid of it with a trip to Madam Pomfrey. He knew the sexuality thing was ok, nothing was wrong with that; he was just confused on how to feel or what to feel about anything right now. He sipped at the pumpkin juice in his cup and looked up at the head table and sighed spotting the black mass that was the potions professor. Maybe that prick had his cloak, that wouldn't surprise him in the least. The man had just magically appeared behind them not to mention Ron wasn't that quite. His eyes cut over to the white blond hair at the Slytherin table maybe Malfoy had the cloak. He got up after he was finished and leaned over to Hermione.

"I'm going to go visit our favorite ghost." With that he left knowing that Hermione would grab Ron and fallow. The reason for leaving first was so that he could be alone in his thoughts; he seemed to be doing that a lot as of late. However he had to figure out how to explain to his friends what was going down without freaking them out. He didn't need that anguish here at school as well as 'home'.

He sat on the floor right under the sinks waiting. He didn't have wait long before the ghostly figure of a girl showed up. He looked up at her and smiled, "Hello Myrtle."

The ghost girl who was still grieving over her own death sat down in front of harry, " Hi, Harry, what are you doing here? Come to ask to share a stall with me after your next adventure?" She gave a smile that had goose bumps running down his spine.

"No Myrtle not this time; unfortunately I am just using this as a secret meeting spot." He gave a small wink at this and it caused the girl to give a small giggle and float off.

"You know when you do things like that it only encourages her Harry." Harry looked over to Hermione standing in the door way with her hands on her hips. Ron behind her with one harm on the back of his neck. "Hey mate," Ron said quietly.

Harry gestured to the space in front of him on the floor, "Come join me." He smiled then shuttered as he had a brief flash of how Voldemort-esk that just sounded. Hermione waved her wand in the area with a quick Scouring Charm getting it clean before sitting down. Ron sat down next to her and they both looked at him expectantly.

"Um…" Harry shifted in his seat a little; not quite sure to explain to his friends, "Ok… how bout his instead of explaining how bout you just ask the questions and I answer `kay? `Cause I have no idea how to go about this."

His friends shared a glance, "How about the thing on the train with Malfoy and the razor blade?" Hermione ask as Ron gave a shutter of disgust at the name.

"Well let see… Um…Hum… At some point in the summer I um guess I had gotten to the point of 'growing up' were I can finally start understanding what I like and don't like…if you know what I mean?" Hermione gave a small nodded while it seemed that Ron was totally lost, Harry wasn't too worried about that he knew he could be a bit more graphic with just Ron because he wasn't a girl and well telling that kind of thing to a girl was well just no. "Well I had at some point figured out that well pain was a really good thing to feel to get me up…" Harry cleared his throat. "Yeah know, and well I had been using the razor blade to um… assist in that um matter…" Harry was avoiding looking any were but his friends faces by this point he was sure that his own face was the color of the Hogwarts express.

"Oh…" Ron was the first to speak, "I get it mate…" then a moment of silence, "ew… did not need to know what got your rocks off mate…"

"Well you guys asked and its better then you guys thinking I was doing something else or whatever… besides… I kinda need help I don't know if there is something wrong with me. I mean there has to be something wrong with wanting to feel pain right? I mean it seems to be the only thing other then…" Harry blushed and mumbled before taking a deep sigh and looking up at the ceiling.

"Oh no Harry there is anything wrong with liking it…" Hermione's voice was the next one to speak up, "You see it's really bit more common then you're making it out to be. Harry though quick question, do you want to be the cause of others pain?"

"NO!" Harry said looking at her quickly to quickly that it caused a sharp pain in his neck, "that hurt…" he rubbed the back of his neck, "And it's not like just pain has to be there… it kind of just enhances the feelings of you know excitement."

The muggle born nodded again at Harry's revelation, "I will look into it however what I have read there are quite a few people out there who share this with you harry. There are even a few who like to cause pain for their significant other and it pleases them as well."

Harry nodded and stood, "Thanks guys, I think its almost curfew lets go to bed." With that the trio left the restroom to head up for a good nights sleep, "harry didn't have to wait to sleep that night it seemed for now at least that some of his thoughts had cleared."

~~~ To be continued…

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